it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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