finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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