That reminds me...we need to get swords
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So here I am, sexting at work.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
