Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
