My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
