i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
