I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
