Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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