It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
