Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
