Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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