Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
How naked do you want me to be?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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