so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
