At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
