ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
