he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
