ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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