Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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