I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
