I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
