Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
