Umm I'm too high to move.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
