so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
