O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
