My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
