i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
