is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
