you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
