I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
