Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
