You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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