i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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