the condom got lost in my hair
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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