you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Fuck appropriateness.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Randomize
