you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
