This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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