She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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