i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
