I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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