Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
