hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
