Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
