I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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