So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so let's talk penis.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
