She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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