we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
