She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
there's paper in my vomit.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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