hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
