I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He has the fingertips of a God
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
