I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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